Sunshine & Self-reflection

The sun is shining today here in Ohio and boy does it feel great. We've had so much rain in the past week that just maybe we can put our umbrellas away for awhile. Spring = new growth and boy is this seed ready to break out of the soil it's been in. Let me explain.

I have been doing some soul searching and learning so much about myself. For those of you that know me (and love me despite) I am wound pretty tight. While people perceive me as a lion, the truth is that inside I'm really a lamb. In my quiet time and in talking with the great "D", I'm finally at a place where I can listen and not be defensive when someone confronts me about my words or actions. My tendency in the past has been to "shoot the messenger" and completely block what information was aimed at helping me. I have a habit of receiving "help" as a put down. My ears only heard negative. Oh how I want this to end!

I met a colleague for a smoothie yesterday after school and we talked about how hard it is for some people to confront another with a concern or question. That person has been me. I have just plowed through people not realizing the damage I create. My friend reminded me of a saying that I admire which is "presume positive intentions". Guess what? That means me as well. I need to think of constructive criticism as a way to better myself as a person, friend, teacher, wife, & mother. People that "care" will speak truth. People that don't care will say "forget it, it's not worth it" and stay away. I am a people person. I need people to speak truth and I need to listen (and yes, this includes you sweetie).

If I could change one thing about my personality, I would seriously enjoy being less intense. (without wine) I was born a high strung person and it is quite a challenge to overcome it at the age of 37, but I'm on a quest to listen more and talk less. I want people to see me as approachable. And kind. And sincere. Because I am these things. And a real human being who is capable of not freaking out over everything. (Scott-quit smiling!) My goal is to really contemplate my message, my non-verbals (which I can't see) and ask God each day to help me ooze positiveness. This challenge will benefit my relationships across the board and I am excited to see how long this takes to become my norm. (hey all you moms out there...we know a baby can learn to sleep through the night in 4 days!)

As Spring arrives, the ground and trees are all growing new things. This soul is growing new things too! If you want, check in with me to see how I'm doing. This is such a hard, yet promising challenge I'm taking on...yet one that I am embracing.